Griefnet worked for me and works for others in the fact by reading and writing to each other we learn we are not alone in this world with these over whelming feelings of Grief. That the uncontrollable anger and tears and sometimes fighting in families is something that happens to many. Knowing we can sit down and pour our hearts out in an email form and have it read by someone who understands the place we are in and not get a response like get over it or you have to move on brings comfort to many.
Many in our group belong to grief groups or go to counselors in their home area too, talking about our feelings helps us heal. I hope I have helped explain a little bit why this site is so important to me and to the others who are here.
Brenda (member of adult-parents; now GriefNet Group Monitor)
I don’t post much on any list. But today is the 4 year anniversary of Paul’s death......and I miss him. He was my husband for 20 years. I still can’t sleep in a bed. The couch has such a nice cushy back to it, that reminds me or sharing a bed with Paul for all those years. This year I am finally cleaning each room in the house and I know that I will move back into the Rose room when I get to it. But for now the couch is very comfortable......and I can read again. When Paul died I was almost catatonic. I couldn’t read for pleasure. It had been my main stress reliever and I couldn’t follow the words on a page. Today I read a book or 2 a week.....and laugh at a silly turn of phrase.....and enjoy spending time in someone else’s view of the world.
Each year has been easier....or is that more “tolerable”. It is not that the pain goes away. It is more that I have come to terms with it. (On his birthday this year, I worked the whole day and felt good all day. ) Today, I did go into the office, but I wasn’t as busy as I usually am and I had to write today’s date over and over in letters. It finally hit me.....not a ton of bricks....just tears trailing down my cheeks.....and I couldn’t stop them. There were no great shoulder shuttering whoops......just leaky eyes. So I went to my boss with my leave slip in my hand and she read the “why” and said....”oh....get out of here”.
I know that I will be just fine when midnight comes and it is an entirely different day (that has been the pattern), but for a little while longer, I am being gentle with myself. The cat sits on my lap and purrs about the joy of my company in his world. Such simple pleasures.....to have an ear scratched.
So I come here to state, I still love the guy and my life is changed forever. I enjoy going out to dinner and events with close friends. I don’t like being alone. I survived and will continue to survive. I am a loving grandmother and active in community activities. I love to read. I walk the dog and enjoy the fall colors.......and tomorrow, I will laugh again.
Blessing upon us, one and all, for we have tread the path out of the darkness and into the sunshine together. Thanks for listening.
Love, Life and Laughter .... Peg, griefwidowed-movingon 10/03
It really is incredible how much of a lifeline these groups are. I remember, after I lost my husband, the thing I liked the most about these groups were, you could write to others in the same predicament yet not be too involved at the same time. I know I wanted to be isolated from everyone for a while. These groups give you the freedom to express what you are feeling without anyone passing judgment on it. Is it reality? I don't know and frankly, I don't care. Others we are in contact with personally tend to think it's their duty to let you know they are worried, tell you if you grieving too long, and, oh yes, mustn't forget this one, "it's time to move on." You don't get that from the people here. We have learned each one of us will do any moving that needs to be done in our own good time. If we are allowed to go through our paces, we will find our way out.
-- Darlene, grief-widowed 2/03
I don't think there has ever been a place where people can go and share their feelings like griefnet before. It's so sad how so many "like me" went through life thinking that I had something wrong with me because of the pain, anger and all the things we share here because nobody talked about it. I often say how I wish I had griefnet when I lost my Dad back in 91 for even my family didn't understand. Let's face it, all we hear is "get over it" or "you have to move on" and so many keep their feelings and pain hidden because it's not acceptable to grieve openly because nobody does it. God Bless the founders of this group who allow us all to know we are normal and to share our feelings and help each other heal.
-- Brenda, adult-parents 4/02
Grief and the Internet, an article written about a grief widowed group, the support they give each other, and the "Spring Wind Ding," where they finally got to meet each other in person.
-- Tom Smith, grief widowed
I would like to take this opportunity to say Thank You personally to you I still have a long way to go on this Journey of Grief,but I realize how far I have come to date. When I stumbled onto griefnet quite by chance (or Divine intervention) I was not able to function very much at all. I was isolated and alone with my unbearable sadness and pain.Until I discovered the others here, I thought I was alone in what I was experiencing. Thank you for making griefnet possible and all the hard work you and all the others do. Griefnet and the Support,understanding and Love I find there has helped me to return to everyday life. I was paralized by depression,panic and anxiety attacks before I found everyone here. I want you to know how much your words mean to me when you post on the difficult Holidays. Your words are to my soul like cool rainwater is to the parched desert in the summer sun. Your words of encouragement and understanding have helped me cope and been a great comfort. I have found the best friends I have ever had here. Again, please accept my heartfelt Thank you for enabling me to learn how to live again.
-- Joe's Mom, Debbie
Hi, My name is Lauren. I'm 38 years old and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. I joined the griefnet adult-parents back in December 1998 and I'm still in it. I found it a very safe place to go to, where I don't have to hide my feelings and emotions. I've become close to many of the group members, and all I have to say if you have lost a parent, child, or any one you loved this is the place to go. Thank you Griefnet and Cendra. You've been a life saver.
-- Love and Peace. Lauren
I want to thank you and Steve and everyone for all your help. Nov. 20 will be the third anniversary of my only child's death (Shannon, age 19). When she died (after a long illness) I never thought I would be able to go on, let alone be where I am today. God bless you.
Thanks. This list is so uplifting. It makes you stop and think. Words
of wisdom from those who have given thought to their problems.
-- Mary, grief-widowed
I loss my wife Alice to Lupus on January 20, 1998. I want to tell the world that my loss was eased as a consequence of the tremendous support that I received from grief net members. Members helped me, prior to and following her death.
-- Ted, grief-widowed
"'Valuable' is an understatement. I think this service is so remarkable. I could not have imagined some years ago that a community of strangers would turn out to be so useful to me in a time of terrible hurt and confusion. Again, thank you for helping me.
-- Mark, of grief-widowed
"I don't know what I would do without this group. I even like it better then my regular support group."
"I've only been on this list for 9 months or so, and it's been a big help to me. Reading about others' losses and how we deal with them, the encouragement I've found here, etc., has helped me during the worst time of my life."
-- Peggy (mother of Joey, 2/20/89 - 4/4/95)
"Thank you Cendra. Your hard work is much appreciated by everyone on this list. You and the rest of the Grief Net staff have truely been a Godsend to me! Lots of love,"
-- Danielle on grief-spirits
"The courage in this group is astounding. You know I wrote about a near death experience and said that the only word I came back with was communion and I didn't know what that meant. I think this is it. A communion of people helping other people."
-- Joan, a member of grief-spirits
"You are right, what we share is communion, with each other. We help each other get through the dark days, and share the light days. love,"
-- Jeanne R., Wife of Phil, Murdered 7/21/97
"Hi, I'm ___ from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and am a subscriber to griefparents-accidents and only child (unfortunately). Thanks for Griefnet, it's my lifeline."
"I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your efforts and hard work. Losing a child is a painful and very devastating event, but people like you and your organization bring a lot of comfort. Thank you."
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